FRIENDS4EVER

I probably learned majority of the definition of friendship in high school. Then I started college and started understanding things like:

Just because it's been a couple of months, doesn't mean that you're not friends----- people are busy.

OR asking questions like:

Hey girl! Just checking up on you... you good?

Then I transferred to a four year AND that's when the definition completed itself. The: How Ugly A Friendship Can Get, part of the definition. The: How Willing Someone Will Go To Hurt Your Feelings As Much As They've Hurt Your's----- part of the definition...

and I thought THAT was uncomfortable and stressful...no.

Imagine being at a really high level of friendship with someone and all of a sudden you realize that friendship is this two-way street and that if both parties aren't willing to (basically) give AF about the friendship, then you mine as well part ways.

Idk, this may seem kind of obvious but when you're actually in a situation like this, it's more difficult navigating through it then it just being like, "Just don't be friends then!" It's not that black and white.

But before I get into the lil story, keep in mind the actual definition of, friendship:

friend·ship /ˈfren(d)SHip/

noun the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends. a relationship between friends.

plural noun: friendships "she formed close friendships with women"synonyms:relationship, friendly relationship, close relationship, attachment, mutual attachment, alliance, association, close association, bond, tie, link, union; More a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations.

Recently I got into a misunderstanding with one of my closest friends. And when I say close, I mean close, I mean...always good vibes, no confusing... whatever, simply: I got you, I'm here for you, let's vibe out, and let the good times roll-------- type of close friend.

So, we're hanging out, we start discussing things, then BOOM--- argument. It really happened liked that, too, kind of out of no where. I don't know if our vibes were off like we both didn't have a good day or what but the vibe and conversation was off. It went from constructive talk to like--- I don't wan't to listen to anything your saying, therefore we need to get out of each other's presence----- kind of talk.

And then you know that defensive, someone is tryna "coming for you" nature in us uproars, and that definitely isn't a good---- well at least not for me, feeling. It literally makes me want to fight people (but I won't, I'm just saying).

So yeah, that feeling? Yup, it came out. And I felt all of it. From my head to my toes, I was SO frustrated. When I got the chance to walk away, I instantly went into personal development mode. The argument triggered the growing part inside myself. And my intuition was like,

"Eri... you either gone be childish or give yourself a teaching moment." So I took the teaching moment.

So as I walk away, I call one of my other friends and just starting ripping away. All the emotions and frustrations came out. Anything I could remember that they said that offended me or upsetted me, I took that times 10, right? Like because I was enraged! We all get super animated when we're mad I feel like but...

Either way, my friend on the other line is just "mhmm"-ing and getting the story. And as I'm talking it was like these major questions were going off in my brain:

What kind of friend do you want to be?

What kind of friend do you want them to be to you?

What kind of company do you want in your life?

And that's where the teaching moment came into play.

So when I walked away, I walked up this street that was on the way to a park like area. I make it to the park, still on the phone with my other friend and as she starts telling me her understanding of the situation and asking me follow up questions like, " So what'd you do when...", I simultaneously respond to her and answer my own questions out loud to her.

I said to her that I didn't want to be the friend that would always agree with you.

I said that I wanted friends who challenge me and make me think critically.

I said, I wasn't going to always agree with my friends and tell them how right they are (when they're not).

I said-- I want to challenge my friends.

And not in an intention way, right? Like if they bring something up and I feel differently, I'm going to express that. And also that, they should be ok with that because we're close friends, right?

And that's where my mind went the rest of the day, what kind of friends do I want in my life.

And there it was---- the period, the end to the definition of, "friendship." Or at least what I think.

Yeah I was mad but that died off and I became at peace with it. I can't and wont ever apologize to someone for wanting a certain style of person in my life. And again, friendship is this two-way street. Neither of us will come to grips with things until both parties come together and accept the differences or differences in discussion.

Either way, a follow up conversation needs to be had. And maybe neither one of us want's to be the bigger person, hell-- maybe the period at the end of this definition will get erased and continued, or even re-written.

EITHER WAY-- friendships come and go in waves and some people are only meant to be in your life for a season.

And like I said, this happened recently so still in the weird part of it all but--- hopefully I can give you guys and update on whether or not one of the major life lesson's of the 20's can be checked off or not :)

Ha, I hope you guys liked this week's post!

Talk to y'all next week, byeeeeee!

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E